so high in the frequencies, it’s her chemical scream, but she has to breathe tonight.

[Chapter Twelve]

May 21, 2007 at 10:19 pm ([the book of life])

Well, it seems that all my progress has gone straight off the edge of a cliff, spiralling down to the bottom, while along the way i can watch everything that I just had, and land into the river of depression. Hmm, sounds dramatic… not really though.

Okay, I was happy i mean, i was actually happy, until he had to screw it up, like always. It’s not like he does it on purpose, i know, but it just always makes me feel the same. First,  it’s makes me pissed, and then within five minutes, i’m almost hating myself, or feeling bad for him. Does he come with a pity-off button? I’m in science, trying to convince Jackie to hurry up with her yearbook signing so i can have my yearbook back, and then I feel him put his arm around me from behind, sorta like a one-armed hug from behind. Normally, he’s not like this, so i’m all “what’s this for?” And he’s all, for seven years of being my friend. So me and woot!er are walking down the hall together, and Etnie[him] is trailing behind, and then, when we’re about to go into our room [me and woot!er], he gives me one of those shoulder-to-shoulder hugs, and woot!er is all, what was that for, and i mouth, I don’t know!
He’s foiling my plan, you know, of keeping me happy.
So that wasn’t the part where i started feeling bad. it all kinda started when he texts me, about an hour ago with ‘hey beautiful’… eventually, he’s all ‘would you ever go out with me’ and yadda yadda yadda, i talk about how i don’t like him right now, so he asks about later, and i’m like, well if i liked u and u liked me, but you’re mormon remember, you can’t date. so he’s all, well i’m still the same guy, and i’m all I know, i’m just saying. And then he says ‘you know what, i must’ve been crazy to think about it, forget it’ So i try calling him, i try telling him that i wasn’t trying to be like that, and now i’m all… *sigh* how i am every time he does this. Which is more and more frequently now.

Sometimes i just wish he would leave me alone, but then i feel bad.